my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
