she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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