if i can run in heels then i can drive
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
