oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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