how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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