last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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