Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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