He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
