I like to think it a success when the cops are called
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
