i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
