Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
