Sry I called you an 8
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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