Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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