He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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