I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
