she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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