I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
