Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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