Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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