Got a toothbrush?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
