I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
