woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
