If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
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