made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
