god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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