i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
