mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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