dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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