he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You pole danced in your parka.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
