He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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