Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
