hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
