Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
