You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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