I wannas sexs uuuuu
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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