but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
