"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
