Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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