So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
