she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
