Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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