I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
