i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
