Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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