Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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