i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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