Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
