Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
