remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
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My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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