respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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