It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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