Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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