You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize