I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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