We're facebook friends in real life
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
