Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize