When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
