I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
