I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
