you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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