party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
