The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
