Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
