The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
