We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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