it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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