i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
