From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
