Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
