Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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