he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
